((As of late, I've been having a bit of an art block and until recently.... I started questioning myself as an artist. I began to wonder if anything I've ever drawn was ever good enough. If I really have improved any of my skill and mostly: if drawing was just a waste of my time and whether or not I should give it up.
And its in those moments, when those thoughts seem to fill my mind, when I begin to feel stressed and angry and mopey, I grab my tablet and just doodle. I doodle away to distract myself and I've found that most of the time, I always draw up Gordie. My silly little pumpkin prince. He's always smiling, always such a dork and I wondered why I always drew him. I hardly draw Lily, nor have I ever drawn Hubbard. No. It was always Gordie. And after tonight, I came to understand why. Its no question that our OC's, every single one we've ever made, is really just a small part of ourselves. And my Gordie..... I found that he's the confidence that I can never seem to obtain. I feel better when I draw him because he's always so happy-go-lucky, he always strives to do what's right, what's best and above all, he's too stubborn to quit. and as silly as it sounds... drawing him always makes me feel like that too. Because its almost like I'm telling myself not to give up. To keep trying and not to lose faith in myself. So tonight, just feeling like crap, I thought I'd do a before and after of Gordie, to see if maybe I have improved. And also to see if maybe it would break my art block. So as I drew him, I started thinking: how funny.... he was just a whim.... just a silly little drawing whom I never meant to take seriously. Just another AT OC like the rest. Heck, he didn't even have a name! I just called him Prince. P. And yet here he is now: he has a name, he has a voice, he has likes, dislikes, quirks and a background past and future. So the more I drew his after pic, the more I came to realize: he's why I draw. Not for just my own selfish satisfaction that he makes me happy, but because he always seems to make people happy too. I can't tell you how many times I've read comments from watchers saying that it made them crack up, it made their day and it made them smile. I always loved reading that. I love that my art, as good or bad as it may be, can make someone happy. And that makes me happy. And that reminds me why I loved drawing in the first place.
This has been a long time coming, so I want to say: Thank You.
Thank you for loving Gordie, for loving him so much he now has a name, has a voice, an accent and has a personality. Thank you putting up with his shenanigans, for interacting with him, getting upset with him, putting him in situations where he has to face challenges he'd rather avoid.... but most importantly...
thank you for being his friend.
Even to those who mocked him, hated him, and even went out of their way to cause him harm, I thank you too. Without it, he could not have grown into the person his is today.
This journal might come off as a bit silly, but it means a lot to me. Because my little pumpkin prince, made simply to break an art block so long ago, became something I have come to love because he is proof that I am growing as an artist. Because he's growing as a character, which means I must be doing something right; that I'm on the right path. And without him, I would never have met all of my wonderful new friends here on DA, as scattered across the world we may be >u<
To everyone I've rp'd with, whom I've drawn for, who's drawn for me, and who has included Gordie into their own shenanigans and contests and what-nots. And also to my watchers. And if you've ever felt like this too, then this journal goes out to you; from one admin to another. One aspiring artist to another: Don't give up. Keep moving forward.